Tuesday, 12 June 2012

The Aspie Misery

So, what makes an Aspie sad?  Well, I don't know but I know what makes this Aspie sad.....routine disruption!! 

Yes, I have been royally chewed off this week.   On Saturday, my car decided to break down (again) and another RAC van later and the Corsa is back in the garage.   So far, the mechanic robbers are looking for £600+.  Not going to happen.

Negotiations will be underway tomorrow.  Meanwhile I am getting familiar with a lot of taxi drivers who ferry me back and forth.....buses where I live are hopeless.

And you know, it's not just the misery of a car that doesn't work.  There are so many things banging about my head e.g. lack of money that make me feel crap too.   They just sit at the back of my mind and cause trouble.  No wonder I can't sleep - well, I can if I take a sleep aid but they are only for short term use.  This might be the short term now!

What else makes an Aspie miserable?  Apart from bad spelling (other peoples - not my own...) I am just about to launch into Summer Holiday Hell.  This is not when I have to away on holiday - it's when the children are off school.  Oldest one usually trots of to his dads so that's not an issue and little one goes to an 'out of hours' club.  It's a well run place but it now costs a fortune (thanks Mr Cameron). 

Anything else?  Yes.  A doctors appointment.  A very important one at that.  This is when I finally go and get my referral for a formal DX.  I don't want to go.  I don't want a formal DX but I am going to have to bite the bullet for a number of reasons I will not mention at this time....:)

This is a short one today.

I need some time to panic by myself.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

The Brain Explosion

There are one or two things that can 'crash' the Aspie brain.  The main one is lack of logic.  

Why, for example, in a couple when both work the same hours, is only one part of that couple expected to do all domestic work as well?   This is totally confusing to me.  

How can any normal, sane human being divide up tasks by gender?   What is 'men's work?  What is 'women's' work?  

How strange.  Surely it makes sense in a couple situation to divvy up work by who likes doing what or who is good at doing what.  If you are both terrible at cleaning - hire someone!   If you both like cooking - take it in turns...??

Why is it that if you have over ten years of experience in your job, you will still be paid less than someone just starting out in a different profession? 

Why is it that works dominated by men are better paid and more highly thought of than jobs that are predominantly done by women?  

And in my rather communist way, I think all people should be paid the same regardless of the job they do.   Every working individual puts something equally important into the pot - so how can we even say that one job is more important than another.  Granted, some people might have spent years training - so how about everyone is paid the same hourly rate PLUS a supplement for training (say, by years)....A doctor would therefore get paid the same as a shelf-stacker but also be rewarded for training and further education by a supplement of about 8 years...perhaps £1K for every year of training?    I don't think there is a problem rewarding people for putting the educational effort in?   That is of course providing all further education was equally accessible to all. 

Aspies can come across as unreasonable - especially if you interrupt the 'special interest' time but on the whole, most are quick, intelligent people and as such, injustices, lack of fairness and illogicality (is that even a word?) drive us all potty. 

Needless to say, we can thank my lazy husband for inspiring this rather short rant about social imbalance!!   Best not to blog what he actually said because if I started on about him, I might not stop this time......

Never give in to nonsense, no matter where it comes from.......

ps  I have cooked four delicious meals this week - truly appreciated by my children...Lazy Husband has complained EVERY night about them....apparently minted lamb chops, steaks, home made meatballs in a tomato based sauce, and roast chicken are not to his liking.....Not sure I give one......now where did I put that hammer.....


Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Is it all lights and noise??

Aspies tend to have a rough time in the outside world.  That's why so many of us like it at home where we can have some control over the environment. 

I particularly dislike smells of perfumes or other chemically smells.  If I am with anyone who is wearing perfume, I will develop watery eyes, a cough (that can go on for days and bloody nights), a strong sense of 'get me out of here', not to mention nausea in the first extreme.  Unluckily for me, all NT's seem to try and compete with each other to be the least pleasant smelling beings in the land....!

Fortunately, I do not have light issues.  So many of my Aspie friends cannot abide a fluorescent light humming above them casting a horrible yellow glow.   They should be as lucky as me...I work for an electrical contractor and thus our offices are bedecked with PC friendly lighting and a lovely white tiled ceiling - no humming or flickering there...lucky old me. 

Extremely lucky me only has one other person in the office to deal with - and shiny boss is pretty Aspie in some ways too.  Also hates smells, picks the skin off his thumb all the time and is about as sociable as a hibernating bear.    Just a few of his mindbogglingly 'awfy like' an Aspie habits...he says he isn't but then I fear he might be comparing himself to me - and he thinks I am barking...hilarious.  Poor shiny boss - he will never recommend working with Aspies.  Well, I suppose he likes it sometimes.  I am always there pretty much same time every day, I am reliable, hard working, focused, obsessed with doing a good job, obsessed with improving all our procedures.  I am loyal up to a point - the point where he annoys me so much I have to moan about him...he probably does the same about me - it's not easy working 5 days a week with one person without there being niggles.

Now, some working environments just aren't set up for the Aspie.  The smells, the lights and basically Other People.   Other people talk crap a lot - nothing to do with work.  They are exceedingly dull to an Aspie.  They don't really want our opinions on anything and because some of us are knowledge buckets, we could have an opinion on just about anything or say 'hello' in 40 different languages - it's the Aspie way.   We are considered 'weird' if we are women and if you are a male Aspie, there is a good chance you murder people with matchsticks which you then make into a ship.  NT's have strange ideas about those of us on the spectrum.  Just because we don't care who Cheryl Cole is or watch inane rubbish on TV, does not classify us as loonies....honest! 

And yes, despite what you think, we feel a great deal.  Peaking emotions watching the Andrex advert is not uncommon.  Aspies often love animals, children, and basically care about any vulnerable beings.   Injustices make us crazy mad, wars make us cry.  We have the world on our shoulders and we feel all the pain and suffering abundantly every day.  Try that coat on for size. 

One thing I have learned through 'meeting' my Aspie friends - they are all brave, kind, decent human beings - just trying to make their way through all the lights and noise. 

The Particular Life: Here at the End of All Things

The Particular Life: Here at the End of All Things: I keep hearing this phrase in my head. It is from the movie Lord of the Rings. It is so suiting. I feel like I am at the end. I am to the...

Monday, 16 April 2012

Crikey...I need a moan....

Ok so, I got home from work and immediately started to make supper - nothing glamorous but potatoes needed peeled etc.  I then served this fine meal, cleared up the dishes afterwards, cleaned down the kitchen, did homework with smallest child, hung a washing up, ran a bath for smallest person, sorted out her dirty clothes, sorted out her school uniform ready for ironing, made her packed lunch, did bedtime routine at same time was doing higher maths with older child.   Then had to chastise smallest person for breaking older child's new headphones, then cleaned up the bathroom (now flooded because of small person's bath) and finally got to sit down for half an hour before doing ironing.   Now I am not a single parent.  I do have a husband.  What was he doing whilst all this was happening?  Erm....sitting on the sofa watching TV as he does every night.

Now I had the audacity to mention that he might like to take a shot of the bedtime routine for smallest child....apparently husband doesn't do that....erm... and then the conversation got slightly abusive.....so I tootle off as I am too busy to stand and argue with an idiot. 

This is a typical day for me.  I generally get time to myself about 10.30pm onwards - sometimes a little more if I can wangle it.  Husband on the other hand only goes to work and back and by all accounts doesn't exactly flog himself when he is there...youtube surfing...!  So, I wonder if other people have this issue.  Is there always one Lazy and one Busy person?  I naively thought that couples worked in teams and tried to do the chores together?   Did I do something terrible in a previous life?  I do wonder...!

Normally I can do all this without too much effort but unfortunately, the hormone roller coaster is in town (peri menopause by all accounts) and I am absolutely shattered.    If it's not too much to ask for from the Universe, can I throw back the useless Lazy Partner and get a nice shiny new one that is kind and thoughtful and not half dead?  Pleeeeeeeease?   Just a little shoulder to lean on...nothing too amazing....someone who actually can cook occasionally, knows their way about a vacuum??   Perhaps someone who doesn't see the wife and kids as his personal slaves? 

Life isn't all bad....had a chance to perv over a lovely dish I tried recently - recipe courtesy of Hugh F.W. - it's courgettes and rice wrapped in filo pastry and it's bloody good.  I don't even like courgettes but I could eat this all day every day!  Anyway, have found the recipe but as everyone should know by now, I will never be able to cook it here because LB husband doesn't like food - really....nothing.......nothing at all.....no favourite meal....nothing...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Add 'must love food' to nice shiny new person request...........

Moan over.  Thanks for letting me rant....

Dan Loftus

Dan Loftus 

cheeky little Dan - very clever guy with his music...:)

Sunday, 15 April 2012