Well, I coped rather well with a whole week off work - I didn't even mind the lack of real routine. But I am really pleased to be going back to work tomorrow. Can't wait in fact. I love the routine of it all as it keeps me rolling just nicely!
Did brave yet another supermarket today - it wasn't one I usually go to so I was more worried about the drive there and back - as it happens I managed fine and didn't get stressed at all.
I think remarkable things are happening as a result of getting some support from my Facebook group - it really is making me more confident because I know what is happening to me if I feel worried, stressed, confused or angry and frustrated. It's all okay.
Anyway, will post again soon.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Birthday Girl
It was my little girl's birthday today - she is seven. As per previous posts, my daughter has a non-stop talky nature. Today it was on over-drive!
Of course it is to be expected but a whole day of it and not being able to tell her to be quiet was feckin' annoying. I had to be nice mum most of the day.
Now, I love my sister-in-law but did she have to by a Disney Princess Microphone? Hilarious that it plays a snippet of what I believe is a Strauss waltz - a little 'edumeecashun' chucked in for good measure. Anyway, it makes noisy kid into mega noisy kid - but she loves it. I can be tolerant - especially with a dose of pain killers to hand....
Worst part of the day - a trip to Burger King in Stirling. The place is a tip. The staff seemed clueless, the wait was ridiculous (fast food it aint), the meal was just awful. We rarely go to these places because for the amount spent, we could have eaten like kings at home - but we did feel a little bad for Becks.
A seven year old with middle-aged parents...(her half-brother who she adores is on holiday with his Dad this week), couldn't do a party, and none of my husband's children from his first marriage recognise any relationship with her - they weren't going to visit or send a card for sure.
A dilemma for me. Not for her dad. He tends to visit his own children without me or Rebecca and certainly not with my son. But I reckon from their point of view another child from a different mother isn't something they relish? Who knows. Anyway, I don't tag along usually - I think its important for his first children to feel they have access to their dad without his 'new family'? Just feel that to cope with it all my husband needs to put it all in compartments. I can get that.
I would love to hear from people with step-families to see how they cope with it all.
Of course it is to be expected but a whole day of it and not being able to tell her to be quiet was feckin' annoying. I had to be nice mum most of the day.
Now, I love my sister-in-law but did she have to by a Disney Princess Microphone? Hilarious that it plays a snippet of what I believe is a Strauss waltz - a little 'edumeecashun' chucked in for good measure. Anyway, it makes noisy kid into mega noisy kid - but she loves it. I can be tolerant - especially with a dose of pain killers to hand....
Worst part of the day - a trip to Burger King in Stirling. The place is a tip. The staff seemed clueless, the wait was ridiculous (fast food it aint), the meal was just awful. We rarely go to these places because for the amount spent, we could have eaten like kings at home - but we did feel a little bad for Becks.
A seven year old with middle-aged parents...(her half-brother who she adores is on holiday with his Dad this week), couldn't do a party, and none of my husband's children from his first marriage recognise any relationship with her - they weren't going to visit or send a card for sure.
A dilemma for me. Not for her dad. He tends to visit his own children without me or Rebecca and certainly not with my son. But I reckon from their point of view another child from a different mother isn't something they relish? Who knows. Anyway, I don't tag along usually - I think its important for his first children to feel they have access to their dad without his 'new family'? Just feel that to cope with it all my husband needs to put it all in compartments. I can get that.
I would love to hear from people with step-families to see how they cope with it all.
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Another Day, Another Overload
Well, it serves me right. My little girl can talk....and she did...all day - I actually had to ask her to stop talking in the supermarket just so my brain could have a rest and remember what we were actually there for! Super-torture.
What a little superstar she is - having got her mits on a rather advanced text book on Animals, she decided that I was to draw several of these animals so she could devise her own books (notice the plural there).
I am not an artist. However, trying to be motherly, I did the deed and we have succeeded in producing two badly drawn books - just to make it a little educational, I made sure it was all labelled correctly...I have a degree in biological sciences - hope my angel doesn't get too interested in it. There is very little you can do with a biology degree unless its a superfirst one with lots of post graduate 'stuff' slammed on the end.
Teaching is not an option. 30 of the little lambs in the same room. I would be dribbling in a corner somewhere begging to be left to die.
By two o' clock today, I had a major headache (a lot of chatter can do that to an Aspie). No damn films on the TV (one-eyed nanny) to give me a small breather (what is the point of paying that much for Sky only to be let down?).
At 4pm I threw a chicken in the oven. This was covered in herbs out of my own garden - virtuous or what? I got a brief ten minutes to myself so I finished my book on my Kindle and then started to prep the rest of the dinner.
Husband arrived back from work - doing a little overtime. He was not as grumpy as usual but did tell me about his day - more chatter.....luckily I don't actually have to listen to any of it as it's normally repeated a couple of times later on.
So, after dinner - did I get to sit down and relax. Nope. No sooner had my bum hit the chair, a small voice insisted I finish her animal books. This done it turned out she needed her shower. Well, all is now quiet from daughter's room - her tooth came out so the fairy has a pound waiting...........lets hope I don't forget. I did it once and the guilt ripped me apart.
One good thing did happen - the little angel let me know her toenails needed a clipping. Aspies can forget this sort of thing easily - along with dentist appointments, doctors, hair washing, and all manner of other things people seem to manage with perfect ease in other households.....I keep trying though. No point in giving up now.
I miss my son. He has gone to his fathers for the October week. He doesn't say much so it's relaxing for me to have him around. He also makes me laugh which is a bonus. The two of us fought the world alone for several years so there is a bond there (I hope it lasts). Do all children wake up one day and hate their parents? I dread that. I know I haven't been a great parent but I sort of hoped I had made the grade in some respects.
Right. I am off to hunt out new recipes to torture my lovely family with. They really do hate my cooking. Ungrateful bunch!
What a little superstar she is - having got her mits on a rather advanced text book on Animals, she decided that I was to draw several of these animals so she could devise her own books (notice the plural there).
I am not an artist. However, trying to be motherly, I did the deed and we have succeeded in producing two badly drawn books - just to make it a little educational, I made sure it was all labelled correctly...I have a degree in biological sciences - hope my angel doesn't get too interested in it. There is very little you can do with a biology degree unless its a superfirst one with lots of post graduate 'stuff' slammed on the end.
Teaching is not an option. 30 of the little lambs in the same room. I would be dribbling in a corner somewhere begging to be left to die.
By two o' clock today, I had a major headache (a lot of chatter can do that to an Aspie). No damn films on the TV (one-eyed nanny) to give me a small breather (what is the point of paying that much for Sky only to be let down?).
At 4pm I threw a chicken in the oven. This was covered in herbs out of my own garden - virtuous or what? I got a brief ten minutes to myself so I finished my book on my Kindle and then started to prep the rest of the dinner.
Husband arrived back from work - doing a little overtime. He was not as grumpy as usual but did tell me about his day - more chatter.....luckily I don't actually have to listen to any of it as it's normally repeated a couple of times later on.
So, after dinner - did I get to sit down and relax. Nope. No sooner had my bum hit the chair, a small voice insisted I finish her animal books. This done it turned out she needed her shower. Well, all is now quiet from daughter's room - her tooth came out so the fairy has a pound waiting...........lets hope I don't forget. I did it once and the guilt ripped me apart.
One good thing did happen - the little angel let me know her toenails needed a clipping. Aspies can forget this sort of thing easily - along with dentist appointments, doctors, hair washing, and all manner of other things people seem to manage with perfect ease in other households.....I keep trying though. No point in giving up now.
I miss my son. He has gone to his fathers for the October week. He doesn't say much so it's relaxing for me to have him around. He also makes me laugh which is a bonus. The two of us fought the world alone for several years so there is a bond there (I hope it lasts). Do all children wake up one day and hate their parents? I dread that. I know I haven't been a great parent but I sort of hoped I had made the grade in some respects.
Right. I am off to hunt out new recipes to torture my lovely family with. They really do hate my cooking. Ungrateful bunch!
Thursday, 6 October 2011
My Brain is Full!
Last couple of days have been a nightmare in terms of understanding anything being said to me....
My poor boss gets so frustrated but I really can't understand a word he says if the radio is on or if its raining on the metal roof of our office or indeed if I am absorbed in a task in the office. The part of my brain that receives signals must just shut down for a rest or something.
This can be triggered by having a full brain (!) i.e. thinking about what I am doing or what I am going to do, hormones (can depend on the ups and downs of womanhood), external factors like noise as mentioned above. All of these things contribute to make me look glaikit (daft as a brush). I have a special look - eyes wide open, mouth repeating what is being said to me...and then having to ask for a repeat performance and then still not getting it. Sometimes just one word in three - not great....
Anyway, when I get home its pretty bad too. My husband likes to tell me in yawning detail about his day at work, my youngest (who is very loud) likes to yell/tell me about her day too. Fortunately my son is a monosyllabic teenager.....very restful. He can grunt too. To buy myself some time, I get busy cooking pretty much as soon as I am through the door. I can absorb myself in this task and block out quite a bit (not great for everyone else). By eating time, I can cope with table talk and eye spy and the giggling, farting, burping and elbows on the table malarky that goes with my family supper.
Then I escape to my room and relate to my computer....sometimes I get a whole five minutes without the sound of 'mum'.....I even reply 'whitnoo?' like a really caring, sharing mummy....it does not phase my children at all. Pity.
Bed time is great. No talking, listening or even much mental agility required........bliss.
My poor boss gets so frustrated but I really can't understand a word he says if the radio is on or if its raining on the metal roof of our office or indeed if I am absorbed in a task in the office. The part of my brain that receives signals must just shut down for a rest or something.
This can be triggered by having a full brain (!) i.e. thinking about what I am doing or what I am going to do, hormones (can depend on the ups and downs of womanhood), external factors like noise as mentioned above. All of these things contribute to make me look glaikit (daft as a brush). I have a special look - eyes wide open, mouth repeating what is being said to me...and then having to ask for a repeat performance and then still not getting it. Sometimes just one word in three - not great....
Anyway, when I get home its pretty bad too. My husband likes to tell me in yawning detail about his day at work, my youngest (who is very loud) likes to yell/tell me about her day too. Fortunately my son is a monosyllabic teenager.....very restful. He can grunt too. To buy myself some time, I get busy cooking pretty much as soon as I am through the door. I can absorb myself in this task and block out quite a bit (not great for everyone else). By eating time, I can cope with table talk and eye spy and the giggling, farting, burping and elbows on the table malarky that goes with my family supper.
Then I escape to my room and relate to my computer....sometimes I get a whole five minutes without the sound of 'mum'.....I even reply 'whitnoo?' like a really caring, sharing mummy....it does not phase my children at all. Pity.
Bed time is great. No talking, listening or even much mental agility required........bliss.
Monday, 3 October 2011
Overload
Had a good day all in all. The overload of senses has calmed down now and no headache for a change!
So, I got to see a beautiful baby, a mate dropped by at work, I laughed a lot, my son's school report was good, my husband was unusually cheerful, my daughters new dress fitted a treat and the evening meal was edible (I wont say good - let's not stretch it).
I was overwhelmed at work and a bit short with everyone when I got in - I needed brain space - brain hadn't caught up. But hey, it all worked out okay.
I was on FB on the Adult Aspergers page and enjoyed catching up on there and having a banter with my Aspie friends - I love that I don't need to explain anything. Everyone just accepts you - mad as a brush is fine!
Yesterday I did over indulge in one of my special interests - 1930's moderne houses - I splatted my FB page with loads of pictures. Well, its my page and I will do as I please.
Now I am accepting that I am an Aspie, I have been able to release the real me in dribs and drabs - its a very liberating experience.
Now to start my campaign to stop people from wearing perfumes. Not nice smells!!!!!!
Hands up if you want to rid the world of stink! Me...
Right. Gotta get going. Bed and then work in the morning - lovely routine...ahhha...
So, I got to see a beautiful baby, a mate dropped by at work, I laughed a lot, my son's school report was good, my husband was unusually cheerful, my daughters new dress fitted a treat and the evening meal was edible (I wont say good - let's not stretch it).
I was overwhelmed at work and a bit short with everyone when I got in - I needed brain space - brain hadn't caught up. But hey, it all worked out okay.
I was on FB on the Adult Aspergers page and enjoyed catching up on there and having a banter with my Aspie friends - I love that I don't need to explain anything. Everyone just accepts you - mad as a brush is fine!
Yesterday I did over indulge in one of my special interests - 1930's moderne houses - I splatted my FB page with loads of pictures. Well, its my page and I will do as I please.
Now I am accepting that I am an Aspie, I have been able to release the real me in dribs and drabs - its a very liberating experience.
Now to start my campaign to stop people from wearing perfumes. Not nice smells!!!!!!
Hands up if you want to rid the world of stink! Me...
Right. Gotta get going. Bed and then work in the morning - lovely routine...ahhha...
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Off Out
Anxiety level quite high - I have to go out and spend money....this isn't a good thing. First of all I don't want to go out and secondly I don't really want to spend money. I have a thing about that. It isn't meanness - I would buy anything for anyone else. Its just buying stuff for myself that does my head in.
Typical. A woman's lot to be guilty?? Who knows.
Typical. A woman's lot to be guilty?? Who knows.
Meltdown
Yesterday was horrendous - first of all I had to brave a busy supermarket - the sights, sounds, smells, possibility of being bashed into = all of these things cause stress and anxiety. The busier the place is, the worse this gets.
Well, it would have been nice to come home to a quiet house and just calm down for a bit. Husband decides to get his jam on with some crappy music and lo, I have a damn headache which just pounds with the beat. So, I ask awfully nicely if he could turn the music down a fraction. Errr. NAW. Apparently I could feck off and take a paracetamol. So wonderful to be loved and cherished in this way.
He did eventually turn it down but not before having a good old rant at me first. This did wonders for my head.
But of course he should be able to do as he pleases in his own home....actually, I only wish that were true. Then I wouldn't have to do any washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping or damned ironing...but there you go.
If I were a nasty battleaxe, I would probably be treated better. Being nice to look at (well, I was when young) and kind and thoughtful and considerate means you get treated like a punch bag. Hilarious,
I am taking a poll on this -- if you think women should be treated like dirt, put your hand up...then I can bite it...lol
Well, it would have been nice to come home to a quiet house and just calm down for a bit. Husband decides to get his jam on with some crappy music and lo, I have a damn headache which just pounds with the beat. So, I ask awfully nicely if he could turn the music down a fraction. Errr. NAW. Apparently I could feck off and take a paracetamol. So wonderful to be loved and cherished in this way.
He did eventually turn it down but not before having a good old rant at me first. This did wonders for my head.
But of course he should be able to do as he pleases in his own home....actually, I only wish that were true. Then I wouldn't have to do any washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping or damned ironing...but there you go.
If I were a nasty battleaxe, I would probably be treated better. Being nice to look at (well, I was when young) and kind and thoughtful and considerate means you get treated like a punch bag. Hilarious,
I am taking a poll on this -- if you think women should be treated like dirt, put your hand up...then I can bite it...lol
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