How do you tell people that you just don't like to be hugged?
How can you explain that kissing is disgusting and spreads germs?
Now, I can cuddle my children. My daughter likes kisses. I never mind this. I get that she needs it. At some point though, my son grew out of needing a hug and kiss off his mum. This does not worry me. I replace physical affection with verbal affection. It works for everyone that way.
But what about sex? Well, some Aspies find certain aspects of it rather difficult - they might not like parts of their body being touched. Perhaps over sensitive? Some Aspies truly dislike sex. Others like it a lot.
The trouble with sex is that neuro-typicals like to be romantic. They like to hug and kiss before and after. Personally this is just something you have to go through to get to the biological fun part!
I very, very rarely look forward to being hugged. I can do it but after a couple of minutes, I notice how uncomfortable I am and something starts itching e.g. back, arm, leg and I have to wriggle about and basically escape the grip.....
Kissing is pretty gross. I could do with the Innuit nose rubbing greeting becoming popular. Kissing on the lips is far too intimate and intrusive. Like a telephone ringing when you are reading a great book. When did someone's saliva near your mouth become a 'Good Thing' ?
Hugging girlfriends?? Well, they laugh at me most of the time. They laugh about my rigid response to embrace and my screwed up face. I don't mind them laughing. If they didn't laugh, there is a good chance it would hurt their feelings. But that isn't what it is all about.
On saying that, after so many years on the planet, I have learned to hug back and I try really hard. I still don't actually enjoy it but I do understand that my NT friends 'need' human contact to feel okay.
Love is.........a few chemicals slopping about in the brain. How do I work out if I like someone or not? I imagine them dead. If I start to cry then I know I like them. If I don't cry, there is a pretty good chance that their friendship is neither here nor there to me. Perhaps this method seems strange to an NT?
Aspies find it hard to process, describe or even understand their own emotions. The term used is Alexithymia. I cannot tell you if I am upset. It's not that I don't feel things, it's just it takes me a long time to work out what exactly those feelings are all about. I can get angry, but it bubbles away for sometime before I explode (sometimes called a meltdown). I can feel sad and will cry. Sometimes I don't even know why I am crying. It just appears.
These kind of emotional and physical problems are typical in an Aspie - there are no upsides to that. There are many downsides - the worst one I can think of off the cuff is that I pick terrible partners! I seem to attract people who are completely unreliable, untrustworthy, unpleasant....and the bummer is, I don't know what it is about me that is the magnet for the iron filings of damaged-man! If I knew, I would switch it off!!
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Monday, 20 February 2012
Back to Work
A good day!
Yes. I did have a lovely week at home but I was happy to be back at my desk as well. Boss had kept up some of the jobs so it was far less work to contend with than normal.
Not only that but Boss is buying a house! Woohoo. I get to see all the pictures. For those of you who know Aspies, you will know most have a special interest - mine just happens to be houses. I can browse for hours and pretend I am talking to Phil and Kirsty (Location, Location, Location) about which house would suit me best. I love to look at pictures of houses, house plans, nasty houses, nice houses, new or old.
When I was little, my mother used to take me to see houses. Not stately homes (although we did that too). She pretended that she was buying and we would 'view'. I think my mother might be on the spectrum too....anyway, it's pretty unfair on vendors and agents but what a glorious past time for me...!
If anyone posts a picture of themselves, I am looking the room behind them...people do not interest me as much.
I am fairly critical of other people's houses. I often wonder why they choose a god awful leather sofa from a warehouse and stick it in a victorian terraced villa but there you go. I like things to be suitable. Given that I live in a virtual slum, it's even more thrilling.
Now, houses are not my only special interest. I love things from the 1930's - especially the white, 'moderne' style of house (some built in 1940's as well). Arts and Crafts houses too - but preferably without the very dark wood! I love anything to do with Native American Indians - afterall, from a tiny tot, I thought I was one....plucked from my tribe to spend time with a crazy family from Scotland...it made sense then.
And I love offices. This is why I work in one. I love the order. I like paper-shuffling. I love my computer - I think excel sheets are great!
Nothing happier than an Aspie quietly enjoying their special interest(s).
Yes. I did have a lovely week at home but I was happy to be back at my desk as well. Boss had kept up some of the jobs so it was far less work to contend with than normal.
Not only that but Boss is buying a house! Woohoo. I get to see all the pictures. For those of you who know Aspies, you will know most have a special interest - mine just happens to be houses. I can browse for hours and pretend I am talking to Phil and Kirsty (Location, Location, Location) about which house would suit me best. I love to look at pictures of houses, house plans, nasty houses, nice houses, new or old.
When I was little, my mother used to take me to see houses. Not stately homes (although we did that too). She pretended that she was buying and we would 'view'. I think my mother might be on the spectrum too....anyway, it's pretty unfair on vendors and agents but what a glorious past time for me...!
If anyone posts a picture of themselves, I am looking the room behind them...people do not interest me as much.
I am fairly critical of other people's houses. I often wonder why they choose a god awful leather sofa from a warehouse and stick it in a victorian terraced villa but there you go. I like things to be suitable. Given that I live in a virtual slum, it's even more thrilling.
Now, houses are not my only special interest. I love things from the 1930's - especially the white, 'moderne' style of house (some built in 1940's as well). Arts and Crafts houses too - but preferably without the very dark wood! I love anything to do with Native American Indians - afterall, from a tiny tot, I thought I was one....plucked from my tribe to spend time with a crazy family from Scotland...it made sense then.
And I love offices. This is why I work in one. I love the order. I like paper-shuffling. I love my computer - I think excel sheets are great!
Nothing happier than an Aspie quietly enjoying their special interest(s).
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Aspies - work, life, love....
However, there are many Aspies who find work impossible because of the various demands made on them by the nature of work itself - some are dyslexic, some dyspraxic, some have dyscalculia, prosopagnosia, social phobias just to name a few.
I am one of the lucky ones who work full time - my interest in offices and my love of routine and order have made it possible for me to thrive in my career - albeit a fairly lowly one (administration/office manager). However, I always wondered how I could never really progress and now of course, I realise that my AS has both helped and hindered. It helps because I make a good employee. It hinders because I never see myself doing anything different and have flitted about learning a little about everything so that I am a jack of all trades....
There is a good chance my employers think I am bonkers as well!
That aside, it's the half term holiday for the school. My son shot off to his Dad's house rather quickly so it has been me and Boo (her nickname) for the week. And what a lovely week it has been. Normally holidays are difficult given that I love my work and my routines.
Not so this week. We have cleaned up a lot (the house is a state) but we have been for longs walks in the unseasonably warmish weather. We have had fruit picnics in the park and have watched two rather good films in the evenings - one being Five Children and It based on the E Nesbitt book and the other being the Three Muskateers - a rotten Disney but chewing gum for the brain!
And it makes it all worth it when a little face is turned to mine and I am told they have had a lovely day. Sighs.
A horrible thought occured to me in the park - what do I do when they up and fly the nest? My heart ached from the realisation that I only have a few more years of these simple pleasures to go. Soon my Boo will be wrapped up in her appearance, exams, boys/girls (depends) and nonsense surrounding growing up. I will be required but only for money and the odd taxi run and possibly to comfort a broken heart. I will be required to counsel, admonish, entreaty but I will not have the glorious gift of a little hand in mine....
It is hard for people with young children not to wish them away sometimes but if I could persuade any parent to love every second, I would. All gone too soon. Fortunately for me, one of my brothers already let me know just how desperately sad it is to see your children drift from you and not to be needed in the same way ever again. He is lucky he has two children to be so proud of - my nephew and neice are wonderful people. But I can remember them when they were little and I didn't love it enough. I have learned my lesson and thankfully I am not too late.
Being a working parent is hard but in some ways, I think I give more when I can because of the lack of time. And if nothing else, by diverging during the day, we collide in happiness and chaos in the evenings...I love a good hullabaloo...
I am one of the lucky ones who work full time - my interest in offices and my love of routine and order have made it possible for me to thrive in my career - albeit a fairly lowly one (administration/office manager). However, I always wondered how I could never really progress and now of course, I realise that my AS has both helped and hindered. It helps because I make a good employee. It hinders because I never see myself doing anything different and have flitted about learning a little about everything so that I am a jack of all trades....
There is a good chance my employers think I am bonkers as well!
That aside, it's the half term holiday for the school. My son shot off to his Dad's house rather quickly so it has been me and Boo (her nickname) for the week. And what a lovely week it has been. Normally holidays are difficult given that I love my work and my routines.
Not so this week. We have cleaned up a lot (the house is a state) but we have been for longs walks in the unseasonably warmish weather. We have had fruit picnics in the park and have watched two rather good films in the evenings - one being Five Children and It based on the E Nesbitt book and the other being the Three Muskateers - a rotten Disney but chewing gum for the brain!
And it makes it all worth it when a little face is turned to mine and I am told they have had a lovely day. Sighs.
A horrible thought occured to me in the park - what do I do when they up and fly the nest? My heart ached from the realisation that I only have a few more years of these simple pleasures to go. Soon my Boo will be wrapped up in her appearance, exams, boys/girls (depends) and nonsense surrounding growing up. I will be required but only for money and the odd taxi run and possibly to comfort a broken heart. I will be required to counsel, admonish, entreaty but I will not have the glorious gift of a little hand in mine....
It is hard for people with young children not to wish them away sometimes but if I could persuade any parent to love every second, I would. All gone too soon. Fortunately for me, one of my brothers already let me know just how desperately sad it is to see your children drift from you and not to be needed in the same way ever again. He is lucky he has two children to be so proud of - my nephew and neice are wonderful people. But I can remember them when they were little and I didn't love it enough. I have learned my lesson and thankfully I am not too late.
Being a working parent is hard but in some ways, I think I give more when I can because of the lack of time. And if nothing else, by diverging during the day, we collide in happiness and chaos in the evenings...I love a good hullabaloo...
Saturday, 11 February 2012
Angry Aspie - Economy, Work and Childcare...
I am no political animal. Half the time I am not sure what I think or believe. But there are times when you have to state an opinion, even if that opinion is slammed down by many and makes you feel a little bit small!
My first Angry Aspie bugbear is family tax credits.....in my opinion, this is just a devious way for large corporations to avoid paying a living wage. Instead - the tax payers pay the salaries....we wouldn't want to lower anyone's profits would we??? I find it shocking that so many people rely so heavily on these meagre hand-outs. I have received them in the past because of being part of the low wage economy.
My argument is that if everyone who has worked for over five years received £20,000 + (excluding London) in their wages and an expectation of £40,000 per couple as a minimum, life could be a great deal easier all round. In most parts of the country, a small family could just about survive on this with one or two economies. They could though, spend more and drive cash back into our own economy instead of it being syphoned off by a tiny amount of people who spend most of their money abroad.
Now, having two people working in the family is great but what about childcare? My own childcare costs - this is for before and after school care - costs more than my mortgage. And the fees are due to rise again in April! This is because a once subsidised childcare outfit have had all the councils financial assistance removed! And these costs are cheap in comparison to others in different parts of the country.
So, this is going to drive more couples to decide that one parent will stay at home.....okay, so the upshot of this is that there will be a few jobs opening up for others...the down side is that our economy is likely to lose out on some really good people and put more pressure on the tax system to provide the shortfall in their income...guess how? Family tax credits....
It is well documented that the supermarkets are probably the worst offenders for offering low paid jobs. Considering the billions of pounds profit they make it seems ludicrous they are not made to pay their way. Okay, so you could argue that these awful establishments provide jobs in the areas they reside in. That would be great if these were 'real' jobs. In the main, they are a sham of part time hours often aimed at women or youngsters!
And of course, badly paid, part time work is more often than not the mainstay of a woman's economic pot. The assumption is still (in the twenty first century) that she is earning the 'pin money' whilst the high earning husband actually supports the family....well, pretty much that image is bollocks.
The reality of the situation is that some seriously well qualified people have to do menial jobs in order to tend to their offspring effectively. Not in the UK do we have free childcare! Again, this problem is often reserved for women. They are the ones left to juggle work and childcare. So, equality is only for the few it would appear.
The smokes and mirrors trickery used by large corporations and governments to ease each other's lifestyles, only serves to ensure the general population are kept in their lowly place.
To end my rant, I would like to ask exactly what sort of life style a hard working couple should expect...should they have to be economising to the point where they have no holidays, no satellite TV, poor quality food, poor quality clothing, badly maintained homes with damp and heating exclusions, no school trips for children, no family days out, no extras like sweets on a Saturday?? Why should people go out to work everyday to be told by much richer people that they might need to economise......? Wouldn't a lot of these workers be just as badly off on benefits...? I leave you with that.
My first Angry Aspie bugbear is family tax credits.....in my opinion, this is just a devious way for large corporations to avoid paying a living wage. Instead - the tax payers pay the salaries....we wouldn't want to lower anyone's profits would we??? I find it shocking that so many people rely so heavily on these meagre hand-outs. I have received them in the past because of being part of the low wage economy.
My argument is that if everyone who has worked for over five years received £20,000 + (excluding London) in their wages and an expectation of £40,000 per couple as a minimum, life could be a great deal easier all round. In most parts of the country, a small family could just about survive on this with one or two economies. They could though, spend more and drive cash back into our own economy instead of it being syphoned off by a tiny amount of people who spend most of their money abroad.
Now, having two people working in the family is great but what about childcare? My own childcare costs - this is for before and after school care - costs more than my mortgage. And the fees are due to rise again in April! This is because a once subsidised childcare outfit have had all the councils financial assistance removed! And these costs are cheap in comparison to others in different parts of the country.
So, this is going to drive more couples to decide that one parent will stay at home.....okay, so the upshot of this is that there will be a few jobs opening up for others...the down side is that our economy is likely to lose out on some really good people and put more pressure on the tax system to provide the shortfall in their income...guess how? Family tax credits....
It is well documented that the supermarkets are probably the worst offenders for offering low paid jobs. Considering the billions of pounds profit they make it seems ludicrous they are not made to pay their way. Okay, so you could argue that these awful establishments provide jobs in the areas they reside in. That would be great if these were 'real' jobs. In the main, they are a sham of part time hours often aimed at women or youngsters!
And of course, badly paid, part time work is more often than not the mainstay of a woman's economic pot. The assumption is still (in the twenty first century) that she is earning the 'pin money' whilst the high earning husband actually supports the family....well, pretty much that image is bollocks.
The reality of the situation is that some seriously well qualified people have to do menial jobs in order to tend to their offspring effectively. Not in the UK do we have free childcare! Again, this problem is often reserved for women. They are the ones left to juggle work and childcare. So, equality is only for the few it would appear.
The smokes and mirrors trickery used by large corporations and governments to ease each other's lifestyles, only serves to ensure the general population are kept in their lowly place.
To end my rant, I would like to ask exactly what sort of life style a hard working couple should expect...should they have to be economising to the point where they have no holidays, no satellite TV, poor quality food, poor quality clothing, badly maintained homes with damp and heating exclusions, no school trips for children, no family days out, no extras like sweets on a Saturday?? Why should people go out to work everyday to be told by much richer people that they might need to economise......? Wouldn't a lot of these workers be just as badly off on benefits...? I leave you with that.
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Back Again!
Oh, I missed a good blog. But have been extremely busy or otherwise not inclinded to do much in the way of writing, tweeting, or other such enjoyable pursuits.
Why busy? Well, life is coming to that crossroads. I can 'feel' it coming upon me. I need to revitalise my existence. Am not sure how yet of course but there are few options. Firstly, I am the mother of two adorable children. That part of my life makes me very, very happy unless they are moaning at me! The house needs a complete overhaul but times are hard so this is going to have to be done efficiently and cheaply. A bit of graft can go a long way. And there are the inevitable assessments of other people in ones life. Do they stay or go? Not that many to rid myself of - being an Aspie brings with it a complete inability to sustain decent friendships/relationships. Unless you happen to know the most understanding person on the planet, most people will be frustrated, angry or plain confused by being close to an Aspie!
Other Aspies 'get it' so if I could surround myself by other Aspies things would go quite well. Complete lack of demands, the occasional meltdown, the lack of verbal communication....hmm...sounding quite good actually.
So. My cooking is actually improving believe it or not. I made a cracking roast beef a couple of Sunday's ago. This was thanks to the masterful Heston Bloomin' Tail. I took a big wedge of beef, poured in some stock, wrapped the whole shebang in foil and slow cooked it for several hours. I left it to rest for twenty minutes and it was very soft, tasty and rather amazing...woohoo.
Since then, I have glided effortlessly between making stuff myself from scratch which I love and buying horrible ready made gunge - slowly the family are coming round to 'home made is best'. I have a technique going and it wont be long before anything from the freezer counter will not be allowed (unless it's ice cream). Quite right. Oh, and frozen peas are actually edible (if you cook them of course). The midway between meals are the ones like spag bol - fresh beef mince but a jar of sauce....these are still popular. I have yet to make a good pasta sauce that everyone likes.
Indeed, cooking is still a lovely past time. With a bit of a holiday next week - I hope to indulge myself with some baking too. I thought a good bread made with olive oil and a wholesome soup....wonderful. I did make a white cabbage soup recently and it was extremely nice. Unfortunately, the thought of cabbage soup upsets a lot of people and no takers except my lovely daughter who will try anything.
I might even buy a tin of paint and get stuck into son's room - he will be away for the week so it's an ideal opportunity to make one room in the house almost habitable. Or is that just plain ambitious.....
Step up - sometimes the best views are from the highest windows.
Why busy? Well, life is coming to that crossroads. I can 'feel' it coming upon me. I need to revitalise my existence. Am not sure how yet of course but there are few options. Firstly, I am the mother of two adorable children. That part of my life makes me very, very happy unless they are moaning at me! The house needs a complete overhaul but times are hard so this is going to have to be done efficiently and cheaply. A bit of graft can go a long way. And there are the inevitable assessments of other people in ones life. Do they stay or go? Not that many to rid myself of - being an Aspie brings with it a complete inability to sustain decent friendships/relationships. Unless you happen to know the most understanding person on the planet, most people will be frustrated, angry or plain confused by being close to an Aspie!
Other Aspies 'get it' so if I could surround myself by other Aspies things would go quite well. Complete lack of demands, the occasional meltdown, the lack of verbal communication....hmm...sounding quite good actually.
So. My cooking is actually improving believe it or not. I made a cracking roast beef a couple of Sunday's ago. This was thanks to the masterful Heston Bloomin' Tail. I took a big wedge of beef, poured in some stock, wrapped the whole shebang in foil and slow cooked it for several hours. I left it to rest for twenty minutes and it was very soft, tasty and rather amazing...woohoo.
Since then, I have glided effortlessly between making stuff myself from scratch which I love and buying horrible ready made gunge - slowly the family are coming round to 'home made is best'. I have a technique going and it wont be long before anything from the freezer counter will not be allowed (unless it's ice cream). Quite right. Oh, and frozen peas are actually edible (if you cook them of course). The midway between meals are the ones like spag bol - fresh beef mince but a jar of sauce....these are still popular. I have yet to make a good pasta sauce that everyone likes.
Indeed, cooking is still a lovely past time. With a bit of a holiday next week - I hope to indulge myself with some baking too. I thought a good bread made with olive oil and a wholesome soup....wonderful. I did make a white cabbage soup recently and it was extremely nice. Unfortunately, the thought of cabbage soup upsets a lot of people and no takers except my lovely daughter who will try anything.
I might even buy a tin of paint and get stuck into son's room - he will be away for the week so it's an ideal opportunity to make one room in the house almost habitable. Or is that just plain ambitious.....
Step up - sometimes the best views are from the highest windows.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Skin and Other Stuff
Funny old thing is skin. It's okay when it's neat on you but as soon as bits fall off you it becomes disgusting.
What about Aspie skin. Well I am intrigued to find out whether a lot of Aspies suffer from skin problems (more than 'normal' population).
My Aspie brother and I both suffer from skin irritations of one sort or another. Mine is bloody itchy at the moment. The legs I know about - it's from the inside of my boots (man made fibre) but the itches on my back defy me.
Brother has rashes all the time. Apparently these are allergies like mine.
Well, our genetics would make that possible I suppose. But then when speaking with other Aspies, it seems to be a common factor. I shall raise this specific issue on the Adult Support page tomorrow and see if I can get to the root of it all.
What about generally and without allergies? Well, certain parts of my body are very sensitive (oooo-err Missus - cut it out people). The arms (specifically from shoulder to elbow) cannot be touched - it is like having bruises on the skin. Sometimes even my hair seems to hurt - bizarre. A lot of Aspies have feet issues and of course there is my infamous belly button disorder.
So much for these skin issues. I shall develop this theme later!
The other stuff. Well, I have been of prime brain recently with the neurons firing as I imagine an NT brain might. I have not been befuddled or confused by much. Why this fluctuation of ability occurs I cannot say. I have spoken to other Aspies about it and it seems that I am not alone. People have good and bad days.
At the moment, I believe my well being is derived from positive action. I have updated my curriculum vitae and am pleased with the results. Not only am I pleased, but I have had a positive response from one or two employers already. I am quite surprised. Given my age and the recession, I thought a job cruise would be fruitless. A job cruise is an expression I have invented for 'seeing what else is out there' - it's something I do frequently. This is not necessarily because I am unhappy at work - quite the opposite. However, a good employee should know if they are well off or need to start shouting about a pay rise.
Having looked around, I see I am indeed drastically underpaid (see previous blogs) and that other employers are offering a good deal. Now this job cruise could also have a different outcome. Sometimes you see that you are in the right job at the right money and contentment seeps back.
Restlessness is the bedfellow of envy.
What this latest job cruise has shown me though beyond a doubt is that you should never be complacent at work, that no employer actually cares that much and that you are ultimately replaceable. It reminds me to work to live.
And despite the fact I am resolute about making no resolutions, I plan to do some living this year!
What about Aspie skin. Well I am intrigued to find out whether a lot of Aspies suffer from skin problems (more than 'normal' population).
My Aspie brother and I both suffer from skin irritations of one sort or another. Mine is bloody itchy at the moment. The legs I know about - it's from the inside of my boots (man made fibre) but the itches on my back defy me.
Brother has rashes all the time. Apparently these are allergies like mine.
Well, our genetics would make that possible I suppose. But then when speaking with other Aspies, it seems to be a common factor. I shall raise this specific issue on the Adult Support page tomorrow and see if I can get to the root of it all.
What about generally and without allergies? Well, certain parts of my body are very sensitive (oooo-err Missus - cut it out people). The arms (specifically from shoulder to elbow) cannot be touched - it is like having bruises on the skin. Sometimes even my hair seems to hurt - bizarre. A lot of Aspies have feet issues and of course there is my infamous belly button disorder.
So much for these skin issues. I shall develop this theme later!
The other stuff. Well, I have been of prime brain recently with the neurons firing as I imagine an NT brain might. I have not been befuddled or confused by much. Why this fluctuation of ability occurs I cannot say. I have spoken to other Aspies about it and it seems that I am not alone. People have good and bad days.
At the moment, I believe my well being is derived from positive action. I have updated my curriculum vitae and am pleased with the results. Not only am I pleased, but I have had a positive response from one or two employers already. I am quite surprised. Given my age and the recession, I thought a job cruise would be fruitless. A job cruise is an expression I have invented for 'seeing what else is out there' - it's something I do frequently. This is not necessarily because I am unhappy at work - quite the opposite. However, a good employee should know if they are well off or need to start shouting about a pay rise.
Having looked around, I see I am indeed drastically underpaid (see previous blogs) and that other employers are offering a good deal. Now this job cruise could also have a different outcome. Sometimes you see that you are in the right job at the right money and contentment seeps back.
Restlessness is the bedfellow of envy.
What this latest job cruise has shown me though beyond a doubt is that you should never be complacent at work, that no employer actually cares that much and that you are ultimately replaceable. It reminds me to work to live.
And despite the fact I am resolute about making no resolutions, I plan to do some living this year!
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Communicate with Me...
Something is really annoying me at the moment. It has stirred up the obsession soup inside my head. Normally I have easy obsessions. I like houses. I look at them frequently on line and I particularly like it if house plans are included....hours could be gone before I have to tear myself away. In between house browsing, I play spider solitaire and lose a lot!
It is an Aspie's lot to have special interests or maybe just one main one and lots of little ones. Sometimes, something happens that gets us riled up and then that will be the next serial obsession for a little while (maybe weeks/months/years). Eventually it dies away and we can resort back to the usual channels of behaviour.
This little niggle has been bubbling away interfering with my life in a horrible way. A bit like knowing you have an oil leak in the car or a broken washing machine. You can forget it for a little but the knowledge that it is there will always out.
So what has annoyed me so much? Well, for several good reasons, I cannot give too many details on a blog site. It is work related. What I can say is that I have a sneaking feeling that someone has been less than honest with me and in a way, I feel horribly betrayed. In fact, I feel conspired against - I think more than one person is involved.
In my previous blogs, I have been open about loving my job. It is one of the things about my life I normally feel very positive about. My job and my two children and some special friends are the elements of my life that make it okay. As I spend more time at my work than with my children or my friends, it has to be just right. And up to a point it has been good for the last couple of years. So, suffice it to say, this unwelcome feeling of betrayal has come as a blow.
In general, I am not defeatist or negative. My approach has been as it should be (I think). I spoke to the person I feel might be involved and received the answers I expected. My disappointment is real.
What I find difficult about communicating with neurotypicals is their complete inability to say what it is they want or what they think in a direct and clear way. Everything is 'between the lines' or I am just supposed to know what it is - I feel there is a lexical veil between me and the other world - I can hear the words but I cannot quite reach out and understand. This is always just a finger tip away from me. In many respects, I think I might give the impression of naivety.
What is refreshing is talking with other Aspergians - their direct and straightforward line of communication leaves no room for doubt. Don't ask if you don't want to know!
Interestingly, I think I was attracted to my husband initially because he speaks in a very straightforward way. Mostly it means there are no misunderstandings unfortunately, he speaks too much. I have discovered over the years, he is not someone who can be pleased about anything. If he wasn't so desperately unpleasant, I might think he was on the spectrum too. However, I have never met anyone with Aspergers that I didn't like - they are in the main, good natured, kind, honest and decent.
That is the crux of the matter. If people are dishonest towards us, or deal in underhand ways, the good natured Aspergian has a hard time getting the point - they feel hurt and bewildered.
In all that you do, be honest and kind. You might just start a trend for it!
It is an Aspie's lot to have special interests or maybe just one main one and lots of little ones. Sometimes, something happens that gets us riled up and then that will be the next serial obsession for a little while (maybe weeks/months/years). Eventually it dies away and we can resort back to the usual channels of behaviour.
This little niggle has been bubbling away interfering with my life in a horrible way. A bit like knowing you have an oil leak in the car or a broken washing machine. You can forget it for a little but the knowledge that it is there will always out.
So what has annoyed me so much? Well, for several good reasons, I cannot give too many details on a blog site. It is work related. What I can say is that I have a sneaking feeling that someone has been less than honest with me and in a way, I feel horribly betrayed. In fact, I feel conspired against - I think more than one person is involved.
In my previous blogs, I have been open about loving my job. It is one of the things about my life I normally feel very positive about. My job and my two children and some special friends are the elements of my life that make it okay. As I spend more time at my work than with my children or my friends, it has to be just right. And up to a point it has been good for the last couple of years. So, suffice it to say, this unwelcome feeling of betrayal has come as a blow.
In general, I am not defeatist or negative. My approach has been as it should be (I think). I spoke to the person I feel might be involved and received the answers I expected. My disappointment is real.
What I find difficult about communicating with neurotypicals is their complete inability to say what it is they want or what they think in a direct and clear way. Everything is 'between the lines' or I am just supposed to know what it is - I feel there is a lexical veil between me and the other world - I can hear the words but I cannot quite reach out and understand. This is always just a finger tip away from me. In many respects, I think I might give the impression of naivety.
What is refreshing is talking with other Aspergians - their direct and straightforward line of communication leaves no room for doubt. Don't ask if you don't want to know!
Interestingly, I think I was attracted to my husband initially because he speaks in a very straightforward way. Mostly it means there are no misunderstandings unfortunately, he speaks too much. I have discovered over the years, he is not someone who can be pleased about anything. If he wasn't so desperately unpleasant, I might think he was on the spectrum too. However, I have never met anyone with Aspergers that I didn't like - they are in the main, good natured, kind, honest and decent.
That is the crux of the matter. If people are dishonest towards us, or deal in underhand ways, the good natured Aspergian has a hard time getting the point - they feel hurt and bewildered.
In all that you do, be honest and kind. You might just start a trend for it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)