Saturday, 14 January 2012

Communicate with Me...

Something is really annoying me at the moment.   It has stirred up the obsession soup inside my head.  Normally I have easy obsessions.  I like houses.  I look at them frequently on line and I particularly like it if house plans are included....hours could be gone before I have to tear myself away.  In between house browsing, I play spider solitaire and lose a lot! 

It is an Aspie's lot to have special interests or maybe just one main one and lots of little ones.   Sometimes, something happens that gets us riled up and then that will be the next serial obsession for a little while (maybe weeks/months/years).  Eventually it dies away and we can resort back to the usual channels of behaviour.

This little niggle has been bubbling away interfering with my life in a horrible way.  A bit like knowing you have an oil leak in the car or a broken washing machine.  You can forget it for a little but the knowledge that it is there will always out.

So what has annoyed me so much?   Well, for several good reasons, I cannot give too many details on a blog site.  It is work related.  What I can say is that I have a sneaking feeling that someone has been less than honest with me and in a way, I feel horribly betrayed.   In fact, I feel conspired against - I think more than one person is involved.    

In my previous blogs, I have been open about loving my job.  It is one of the things about my life I normally feel very positive about.    My job and my two children and some special friends are the elements of my life that make it okay.    As I spend more time at my work than with my children or my friends, it has to be just right.  And up to a point it has been good for the last couple of years.    So, suffice it to say, this unwelcome feeling of betrayal has come as a blow. 

In general, I am not defeatist or negative.  My approach has been as it should be (I think).  I spoke to the person I feel might be involved and received the answers I expected.    My disappointment is real. 

What I find difficult about communicating with neurotypicals is their complete inability to say what it is they want or what they think in a direct and clear way.  Everything is 'between the lines' or I am just supposed to know what it is - I feel there is a lexical veil between me and the other world - I can hear the words but I cannot quite reach out and understand.  This is always just a finger tip away from me.    In many respects, I think I might give the impression of naivety.    

What is refreshing is talking with other Aspergians - their direct and straightforward line of communication leaves no room for doubt.  Don't ask if you don't want to know!  

Interestingly, I think I was attracted to my husband initially because he speaks in a very straightforward way.  Mostly it means there are no misunderstandings unfortunately, he speaks too much.   I have discovered over the years, he is not someone who can be pleased about anything.  If he wasn't so desperately unpleasant, I might think he was on the spectrum too.  However, I have never met anyone with Aspergers that I didn't like - they are in the main, good natured, kind, honest and decent. 

That is the crux of the matter.   If people are dishonest towards us, or deal in underhand ways, the good natured Aspergian has a hard time getting the point - they feel hurt and bewildered.   

In all that you do, be honest and kind.  You might just start a trend for it! 

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