Saturday, 10 December 2011


Sleep - would love to.  Typically, Aspies suffer from bad sleeping. 

Sometimes I am sleepy in times of stress (makes me very sleepy indeed), talking to people, or concentration.   When I should be sleepy, I am wide awake.  Fortunately, I work full time so a sort of sleeping pattern has emerged.    Also, I have a husband who can wake up if you blink near him - he can hear every sound.  I cannot therefore just get out of bed in the middle of the night and potter about before finding the sofa to snooze on (I used to do this all the time).  He gets quite irritated...hmm...but to serve him right.......

It seems I sleepwalk if I am too hot...husband has to follow me as I open the doors and windows before trooping back to bed.    We don't live in the sort of neighbourhood where this is a good idea!   I have frequently been found 'looking for my handbag', 'getting ready to go home' (??) and wanting to go for a drive butt naked...more frequently, I just sit up in bed, look around me and then maybe have quite a good conversation.   Of course, husband isn't that thrilled by all of this.   He wakes up exhausted and grumpy (pretty much his permanent state). 

There are times though when I miss my 3am jaunts - the world is quiet and undemanding.   Thoughts can float into my head and out again without any pressure to conform.  There are no conversations to have, no sounds to jar.    But the morning afters are not blissful at all!

At the moment, my snot-bug is driving me crazy.  I can't breath well.  I am nasal.  It is causing unwanted wakefulness.   I cannot shake it off.    Have tried lots of shop-bought remedies but actually the one thing that has helped is the head over a bowl of steaming water - a little Vicks in for good measure.  I can't actually smell the Vicks or even taste food (quite an advantage in this house).   Is there a bug called Sinusitis - I wonder if I have that.  Like a good hypercondriac  I should look it up (and therefore have it). 

I have been accused of looking up Aspergers and 'having that' by my family.  Highly amusing.    I think it worries them in case I am no longer who they thought I was.  But I will just be the same person - it's just my problems have a name.  Perhaps they don't want me to have 'issues'?   Who can say.   Perhaps they don't really know me at all.  Afterall, I have spent 40 plus years disguising me to the point where 'me' is a fluid thing.   A social chameleon in a mask.   I don't bother discussing it - there is no answer to 'snigger'.  It just holds a grudge.  Best not to waste energy on this.   My BF suggested that all people want a label for their troubles - Aspergers is as good as any I suppose.   What people forget is that there are physiological differences - it's not a flying fancy so much as a biological presence.  

Look up sometimes.  There are great things beyond our eye line that you can miss. 


  1. I feel annoyed by those who don't take Asperger's seriously. I too have lived it for over 40 years and to be doubted is painful.

    You alone know how you think and feel. If you have uncovered a great truth in your life it should be celebrated. I am deeply sorry for the lack of support you have.

    I like how you termed AS--"it's not a flying fancy so much as a biological presence." I plan to quote you on that! :)

  2. Finding out about AS has given me the confidence to walk away from the doubters and not mind too much. It would be lovely to have their support but I have lived without it for so long, it wont make any difference now!

    I do celebrate it with my new group of facebook pals on Adult Aspergers Support page. They are a super bunch.

    And do feel free to quoth happily - am delighted of course - my head wont fit through the door!

    Best wishes.