Some days the world can feel like it's falling in around you....one minute I am okay and I know what I am doing and am sure of a good result......next thing....tits up.
Take my cooking for example. Lots of people are bad cooks....but most of them just don't try. I do try...I try very, very hard....I follow recipes.....very, very carefully....and still the results are hit or miss.
This is a bit unfair. In my head I am a good person feeding my family wholesome stuff and I like my self image of me with the big knife, the chopping board and vegetables....and then something happens....my self image is still very good but the food is rubbish.
Do I give up? Unfortunately for my long suffering family...I do NOT give up!! I keep looking for recipes (as I have said before NT's love variety), I buy fresh food and cook from scratch.....I think from their point of view, microwave dinners are beginning to look attractive...sniff.
Is this an Aspie thing? I am not sure but I have a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with the fact that I find time a very difficult concept....timing is quite important in cooking so I have come to realise!! I can tell the time of course but working out timings is quite another matter....the brain goes into slowmo and usually ends up saying 'who cares?' A fairly dangerous thing when it comes to cooking chicken and pork of course...........ahem.
This time issue goes hand in hand with the complete inability to process instructions - especially written ones - think recipes, exams, spurious memos at work....hilarious. It all eventually sinks in but not without a serious amount of head scratching and frustration.
And just when you thought......'she doesn't sound too insane'.......I have just been downstairs to make some chocolate cornflakes cakes with a 'spare' melted marsbar. I have just force fed my two children to 'try' these.....Success!! ....well, it's hard to fail with melty chocolate. They were both in bed and not just a little bemused by the offering! But if you can't be a complete looney sometimes life just wouldn't be worth it.
So, am I making up for the dreadful meal earlier? I suspect so. Aspergers and guilt seem pretty much a marriage made in hell......
What I really need is Jamie Oliver with me at the cooker......I dare say he is too busy but if he turns up one night out of the blue and says 'hey...let's do some cookin' sista' I might forgive his slack language issues and go for it.