Friday, 18 November 2011

Washed Out

I suppose it could just be me, or it could be Aspergers but if I have a full day of talking (usually people talking at me) then my head feels very woolly and my brain just wants to shut down.  I could sleep and sleep!

It has been a hard week for an Aspie - lots going on and changes to routines....arrghhhh.  But less of the is today...

Today of course is the day that the nation goes a little crazy and does Children In Need - I think its a wonderful thing for us all to do.  It makes me cross that we have to of course - there are banks, supermarkets, other large retailers and national companies who could give if they wished - it would be nice if they gave back something to the communities where they make all the money - but no, it's left to ordinary decent people to find a little something left.  In these financially cruel times, I am always amazed how much people are prepared to do. 

Of course in every home, there are small people needing to be dressed in some kind of Pudsey related daughter wore a spotty top and Pudsey ears to school today - we had to find these things first of course in the dark and frankly disgusting corners of her room.  I do clean it (after she has done her 'tidy') but the merciless onslaught of crumbed crisps and biscuits which have found their way into her bed and surrounding areas well - the tide cannot be held back (that's how we roll Cannut)!

And then teenage son announces that he is 'going casual' - requires jeans and a top washed and dried at no notice....and then there is a battle over which shirt.   He won.  I ended up ironing these things too as he 'forgot'...typical.

So, just to feel part of it all, I rolled into work in my jeans and a top - felt rather good to be honest. 

But as I arrived at work, the phone rang and then rang, and then rang and then rang again....a few hours later, I finally achieve some peace - until the boss rears his Friday head and am talked to until he disappears to get a hair cut.  Head down I try and do some work...

We get out earlier on a Friday - of course this is deserved after the misery and breakless days but it's still not my routine....sniff.  No complaining.  I collect my daughter who waits until we are two seconds from the house and then launches into a whining campaign.  I lose my head big time.    It happened again later in the evening as I was trying to watch the beloved Terry Wogan do his thing....again, more uncontrollable rage.   It took every morsel of self control not to hit out.  But my head is now pounding regardless.   I want peace, time to myself, quiet, no noise, no talking.  I need time for my brain to fall back into place.   I am a bubble preparing to burst.   Should I mention the chest pains?  Had them all day....if I keel over, remember me kindly please.  I cannot of course go to the hospital as this would require talking and I just can't.  Am sure it isn't a heart attack but then again.......

Up note - my lovely mother had her cataracts sorted and can see!    Yes, she can see how filthy her house is...oh joy.  She now sees the need to hire a cleaner in her new house asap.  Hilarious.

I think it might be time to go and cuddle my beautiful daughter and tickle her feet and sort of make up for being such hard work.   My kids seem to recover quicker than I do after one of my meltdowns.  I think children 'get it' more than older people.  They understand frustration, anger, fury even.      Aww.  She has come to me for a cuddle.   This is what I live for.

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