Monday, 21 November 2011

It's Monday Again.....

I was always told that if I worked really hard and did well in my exams I would succeed in the work place.    What a lot of crock that was.

Although happy where I work and the job that I do (I shuffle paper) its only because I can control my surroundings in my office more or less to the way that suits me.   Like many Aspies, a little OCD creeps in.  Everything is actually well organised and has it's place.  Things I use frequently like a stapler or hole punch are neatly in front of me an arm stretch away.  The less I use something the further it gets (or goes in a drawer).   All my processes are designed for ease and speed.  

In essence, I am rather efficient in my office - although I have my Aspie moments - usually involving dealing with other people!  

Everywhere I have ever worked has been an accident.  I have chosen jobs that I knew would fit the bill and that I could have my share of control.  These are usually low paid and undervalued positions.  No-one else would be daft enough to do as much, take on anything thrown at them, do without breaks and suffer the indignity of  often working for people far less able than oneself..such is the life of many Aspies. 

Some Aspies don't work - who can blame them.  The sheer hell of office politics, the noise, the pointless conversations, gossip, meanness, the downness that is the moody colleague, fluorescent lighting, hums and drones of machines and's actually some people's idea of hell.  The stress would kill many of them or deliver them to depression with a bow on. 

Unlike many of my Aspie friends, I can twitter on about nothing quite happily.  I over-twitter if anything.  I find this stops people from asking direct questions (or speaking to me at all, phew).   Direct questions leave me in a state of utter panic even at my ripe old age.  I was born where?  I am how old?  If you can't answer these questions within the blink of an eye, the suspicion is tangible!   I have frequently just made stuff up because I couldn't remember where I was born or my age at that particular moment in time.   The shame of saying 'that wasn't true, actually I am....' .  I dislike dishonesty very much but to confess to such strange things...well, I leave you with that.

I am lucky and I know that.  I know what I am, I know what I want and pretty much am very content with my lot.  I wouldn't say no to a bigger house but doesn't everyone want space?

Where my heart lies is with my brave Aspie friends - perhaps further along the spectrum than me, who struggle with such ordinary things.   And work, isn't it one of life's ordinary things?  An expectation we all have - to get a job, to get a house and a family?  And yet for some people, that is just an impossible dream.  Not for them is that Monday morning feeling - they feel like that every waking minute.   

Tomorrow is Tuesday - am excited already - my lovely desk, my stuff, my paper...great!

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